Videos: Diamonds (1999 Film)

* David Shayler o A weird one and a half, weirder than Ian Paisley mounting Delia Smith! o Mark was reading an article by David Shayler in Punch that said that MI5 had a file on Mark. o Has him down as a Trostkyite sympathiser. There are anarchist mates of Mark's that will grill him for days over this. Mark? A Trot? o Phoned up David and had a little chat with him 5 minutes before talking to Jack Straw at a freedom of Information meeting. Bumrushed Jack as he was coming off stage to ask if he knew if there were any MI5 files on comedians. o Most spies are civil servants. report published recently by the Intelligence and Security committee that oversees MI5. A few bits of interesting information. o In the interest of openness they will publish the expenditure over the years for the agencies, but blanked it out in the published report. o Some detail left in. Bill for refurbishment of Thames House MI5 Building for tables, chairs, carpets, etc. was £227 million! o Another phone call from David Shayler - would Mark come to chat to him in Paris. o Paris - 25 November 1999. o There are spies in Britain who are not being prosecuted even though MI5 knows about them. o Including a 1970's trade union leader who gave arms secrets to the KGB. o David has evidence that he hands to Mark for him to hand in as he is likely to get arrested if he goes in the British Embassy. o Mark doesn't want this information to fall into the wrong hands so he takes along a small bodyguard of 4 French acrobats. There's a reason for this as in Diamonds are Forever Sean Connery gets kicked about by Bambi and Thumper the Flik-Flacking ninja queens. o Mark delivers the evidence but he drops it on the floor. Mark asks for ID of the embassy person that he hands the details over to before doing a bijou bit of Acrobat himself on leaving the embassy o When Mark dropped the letter the documents fell out of the envelope and Mark isn't sure if any of the acrobats and he can't ask them as that would be breaking the OSA again! o Mark brought the French tumblers back to Britain so they could go to MI5 and be debriefed. o So they go to Thames House. Mark explained what happened while the acrobats perform in the foyer, the alarm status is "Black Special". o The foyer the acrobats perform in is empty of furniture! MI5 have been ripped off by a conspiracy of Japanese minimalists! o There is a pub quiz shield in the security guard box, with the names of winners of the inter-department quiz. Mark has to write to Jack Straw about this as enemy agents would be able to work out the status of the intelligence in the divisions. o MI5 told them that if he knew of a breach of the OSA they should report it to the police. Anyway they popped around to see MI6 who knew they were coming as they'd shut all the gates so they wouldn't be able to film over the gate. But they had a cunning technique. o Police turn up to ask them to move along but won't talk on camera. o Mark then phones the Home office and says they have gone back to Paris and they may be revealing he names in their show. o Mark offers to go on French TV to deny the acrobats know anything. o If Mark reports them to the police, special branch would have to have them extradited. Mark doesn't know how that that story appears in the Guardian the next day. o Mark went to the Home Office the next day and there was a spontaneous demonstration by circus performers to "free the French four". o Important to find out what the French Acrobats saw so they asked them to spell the name out with sparklers. o Had to show the footage to the D-Notice committee to see if it could be televised. o Receive a fax from the committee. "Mark Thomas is a very talented comedian who is to be congratulated for his ingenuity and chutzpah. We look forward to seeing the programme in January." o Intelligence and Security Committee won't even hear the evidence that Shayler was arrested for, they don't admit it exists. They won't even talk about him. Michael Mates was interviewed once but got the facts wrong, Shayler resigned, he wasn't sacked as Mates claims. o Who can we take the evidence to? They bust into the premiere party for the new James Bond film "The World Is Not Enough", tried to see Pierce Brosnan who immediately called security and had Mark thrown out. What a wimpy James Bond he is. o Then he saw 'M' (Judi Dench) and gave her all our information. o She warned them that if it was a stitch up, she would be after them, which worried Mark.